Boundaries

In this powerful episode of Just Call Jenna, host Jenna Williams explores the true meaning of healthy boundaries—not as walls or rejection, but as sacred protection for your energy, nervous system, and sense of self. Jenna breaks down why so many people struggle with saying no, overextend themselves, and carry guilt when prioritizing their own needs, connecting these patterns to survival wiring in the brain and deeper spiritual conditioning. 

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fy-_U84yfgI

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Blending neuroscience with spirituality, Jenna explains how the amygdala, prefrontal cortex, and vagus nerve influence emotional regulation, people-pleasing behaviors, and feelings of safety. She discusses emotional, physical, mental, time, and energetic boundaries while sharing relatable client stories that show how setting healthy limits can transform relationships, reduce burnout, and restore peace. 

This episode is a reminder that boundaries are not selfish—they are necessary for healing, self-respect, and sustainable love. Jenna offers grounding practices, affirmations, and mindset shifts to help listeners reconnect with themselves, stop abandoning their needs, and step into a more regulated and empowered life. 

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Welcome back, Today I'm going to talk about boundaries.

I think that's really important that we understand not just the word boundaries from some self-help book, but actually healthy boundaries. How to live with them? I I think if you ask people who know me, they will probably tell you that I have boundaries better than most. I like to say my cutoff game is strong. I don't need to fight with you, but I need to protect my peace, those are my boundaries. These are not walls. They're not selfish or rejection. These are your sacred containers of energy. If you let your energy leak, there's gonna be nothing left. Boundaries will say, this is where you end and where I begin. Or you might say, this is where I end and you begin. This is what keeps me whole. This is how I stay connected to myself. My job is to take care of my human better than anybody else. Nobody's gonna come do that for me. Sure there's people that'll help along the way, but my job is to take care of my human.

I think about it from the perspective of many of us say the soul is in the body. I actually think of it the other way. The body is in the soul. So your boundaries are protecting that. We've all felt drained for overgiving. We've all felt guilty for saying no. We've all feel like we're responsible to other people's emotions. We're afraid of disappointing people. We're afraid of being disliked. We're afraid of whatever conflict may arise out of the know. Boundaries don't have to be difficult. They are extremely important. From a neuroscience perspective, this is survival wiring. It really is. It's how you're going to keep yourself from being in danger.

From a neuroscience perspective, this is survival wiring. When you've been responsible, when you've overgiven, when you've people pleased, when you've been afraid of disappointing, all of those things they send your brain into survival mode, stress mode. When you grow up needing approval, the brain connects people pleasing to survival. I'm accepted if I make other people happy. So the amygdala, the fear center of your brain, what does it do? It activates. It goes into fear mode. Oh, you're overriding yourself. You want to say no, but you don't because you're afraid. So boundaries are going to protect all of that. You've grown up, regardless of what household you've grown up in, in society. In culture, you have been praised for giving, giving, giving, people pleasing.

Producing, doing what others said, making everybody happy, however that was, you've been conditioned for that. And the side effect to that conditioning is that your brain's fear center has been activated, that please don't upset the Apple cart. Don't make anybody unhappy. Don't make any waves. And you'll be fine. And then you caused a spiritual reaction in yourself to forget who you are.

Boundaries are not about control. That is a big misconception I think most of us have. It's not about control. They're about remembrance.

To me, this is a karma thing. This is how Jenna sees it. It's karma and not creating wanted or unwanted karma. Boundaries protect that. It's how you're gonna keep people away energetically. If it's not going to create what you want, it's okay to say no. So let's go deeper, the three key players in the neuroscience of this. That's the amygdala, that's the fierce center of your brain, the prefrontal cortex, that's your logic brain, and the vagus nerve, which is a big piece of controlling your nervous system.

The amygdala activates when you anticipate conflict. Whether the conflict is actually happening or you're just anticipating that conflict happening. Your brain literally doesn't know the difference. And it activates.

That might feel like a racing heart, a tight chest, you're overthinking guilt. It's a form of panic. That's your amygdala. The prefrontal cortex, that's your wise, logical mind. That's where your clarity lives. That's where you're you're you're able to process, observe, good decisions. But it goes offline when we are emotionally flooded. So when you hit panic and the amygdala takes over, prefrontal cortex logic brain turns completely off. And then there's your vagus nerve. That's the safety pathway. It connects the brain and the body. It's what says, okay, you can rest, you can be human. Everything's fine, everything is working out for me. Healthy boundaries require a regulated nervous system. You don't need more willpower. You actually need safety in your mind.

From a spiritual lens, boundaries are energy management. You have to protect yourself. Again, I think of it like the body is in the soul, not the soul is in the body. So that big aura that you may have heard about our energetic body lives in that energetic barrier.

Boundaries protect it. And yes, it's going to protect the brain, but there is an energetic need too. So boundaries don't have to be harsh. They don't have to be conflict. You don't need to get into a fight with someone. But you are going to have to state your boundaries clearly. Every interaction you have is an energy exchange. It's like a flow. So when you say yes to everything, you leak your life force out. When you ignore your feelings, your spirit weakens. Your your energetic body gets smaller and smaller. It's a weakness to say yes all the time. People pleasing is a way of listening.

Now, I'm a recovering people pleaser. I think most of us live there, but boundaries are going to let you control the centers of your brain and turn yourself back online to the right place.

We use the term boundaries very loosely in our culture, I think, but there's really a few main types. There's emotional boundaries. I'm protecting my feelings. There's physical boundaries. I don't want you to touch me. Six feet apart if you will. There's time boundaries, protecting your time. There's mental boundaries. There's energetic boundaries. So these are all boundaries and they don't have to be conflict, but you do have to do them. So let's talk a little bit about what some of those might be. Emotional boundaries would be things like not absorbing other people's energy. I can care without crying. You can practice pause before reacting. I like to use the phrase, is this mine to carry? So, yes, this person is going through a hard time. I might have some empathy and sympathy for how they feel, but is it mine to take that on? Okay, I feel bad for them. I can relate to how they feel, but that's not my job to carry their emotions. That is their journey, and a boundary is allowing them to have that.

Let's talk about physical boundaries. Your body is sacred. Like you've heard, my body is a temple. You get to choose who touches you, who enters your space. And how tired you get. Be aware of your body. It's like physical boundaries. Okay, I know everybody's going out on Saturday night. I'm physically exhausted and I need rest. Don't be guilty, you need rest. It's a physical boundary to say, huh, no thanks. Next time. Now, if you really want to go and you got a little FOMO with that, it's okay to say, I really want to go, but I've got something else taking my space. Please invite me next time. That's a physical boundary. You're protecting your body. Your body is a temple. It's not just about diet and exercise, which by the way, absolutely important. It's about deciding how much of your physical energy you're going to give away and who you're going to let touch you or enter your space.

I have that boundary sometimes. I'm a hugger. I like to give people hugs. Some people don't want hugs. So I I've learned to ask first, but I also know how to give a hug without not absorbing somebody else's energy. And that's an important practice. Now let's talk about some time boundaries. This one I think is extremely hard for professionals in our culture. I think the corporate machines of America praise you for giving away all your time.

It is your job to set your time boundaries. Don't overcommit. Don't always be available. Schedule rest like your appointments. Twenty-five percent of your time should be scheduled for you minimum. That's your time. Not just time that you're sleeping, because that's part of life, but like 25% of your day should be space for you. Walk around the block, read, do the things that light you up, protect your time.

And yes, that's gonna seem like you can't get there from today. But it what if you just said, okay, I'm gonna give myself 10 minutes in each day? Look at your calendar for the next week. Can you plug in a 10-minute appointment for yourself? Walk around the block. Just sit and think, whatever that is, but that's how you start protecting your time. Don't overcommit. Don't always be available. One of the hardest ones I had at work was always trying to fit things into my calendar and saying yes. And I just learned it was so simple when somebody said, hey, you want to do lunch next week? And I'd be like, listen, you're an hour from me. Um, I'm gonna be in your area two weeks from now. How about lunch that day? And you know what? Most people are actually very okay with that. It feels uncomfortable to just be like, no, but when you start protecting your boundaries, you don't worry about that.

That is what time management is. Protecting your time, but deciding that your boundary is about 25% of your life should be what you want to do. Your freedoms, your peace, your whatever. That's how you're going to activate creative centers in the brain. That's how you're gonna relax your your vagus nerve. Now, it's going to feel overwhelming if you've got 0% on your calendar for yourself today to suddenly get 25%. Maybe you start with next week. Can I find 5% of my time? And then you just start increasing it until it becomes normal. That is how you're gonna manage your time boundaries. It's going to feel very uncomfortable at first. And trust me, that is going to be the one I think everybody's gonna try to get in your way. You're gonna get more pushback about your time boundaries than you are any other boundary.

Those are going to be the ones you need to protect at all costs because you don't need to send yourself into overwhelm. Especially not for the sake of other people doing a lot of stuff you don't want to do anyway. That is going to drain your energetic body to a level that you can't even imagine. And that's gonna look like the sleep for eight hours and still feel exhausted. That's gonna be the exhaustion that no rest can fix. Because you're just leaking your life force completely away. Protect your time boundaries. Those are everything. Let me talk about mental protecting. That's protecting your thoughts. That's not engaging in toxic conversations. I don't need to attend every argument is a valid mantra. I don't need to take part in this. Yes, I have an opinion about it. This is not mine to carry. I do not need to be part of this conversation. This is not something I need to be involved in. That is mental protection.

I think everybody gets involved most of us and we have an opinion we want to share our opinion or side with our friends now if this is not your argument to attend I welcome you to use I do not need to attend every argument. I do not need to have an opinion on everything. Now, that's also part of letting go, right? Okay, it's gonna feel hard at first, but I can tell you now, about a year after practicing these things, I am healthier, happier, and more peaceful than I've ever been in my adult life. I lived forty something years before I learned this. Wish I had learned it a lot sooner. But mental protection and time boundaries, those are probably the biggest boundaries. They're gonna probably feel the most uncomfortable, at least in my experience of working with myself and other clients. Time and mental protection seem to be the worst one or the hardest ones.

Energetic protection or energetic boundaries. Most of us don't really know what that is unless you're into like Reiki spirituality, Kundalini. That might seem more normal to you, but that's about protecting your peace. That's about visualization, prayer, grounding, saying no. That's protecting your energy. So it's a little more on the woo-woo side, but also extremely important. Because that energetic circle that you have around you, you don't need it to shrink down because you've leaked all your energy out. Guilt is a learned emotion. I think that happens a lot with boundaries. In myself, I felt this, but also most of the clients I've worked with. Guilt is a learned emotion. When I prioritize myself, love disappears. When I prioritize myself, I make other people unhappy. So when you set boundaries boundaries, your brain is at first gonna say, You're bad, you're selfish, you're wrong, danger. That is going to be the first reaction.

I need you to give yourself permission for that boundary to feel really uncomfortable, but also understand that you owe it to yourself to set those boundaries.

My grandma used to say a phrase that was, the givers need to set the limits because the takers never will. And usually the givers don't. Most of us have given away so much that now we feel guilty to say no to the takers. And the takers have their role, the givers have their role. I'm not passing judgment on that. I'm just saying that your brain learned that you are wrong and you're unsafe if you say no. I'm telling you that you are safe to say no. In fact, it's going to make you safer than you can even imagine.

So let me try to give you a story. I had a client that was always available. Late-night calls, emergency favors, emotional dumping. She was exhausted. She felt guilty when she needed rest. She felt like she was causing the world a problem to say. Oh, I'm sorry, I need to stay home Saturday and do my laundry. No, my friend wants me to go, I'm just gonna go. She was always available, constantly giving. She felt so guilty to say no that she almost couldn't do it. And we kind of got her saying a simple mantra, like, I just don't have the capacity for this at this moment. Could you ask me next week? And she made that change. She was very uncomfortable at that at first. But her friends adjusted, the healthy ones stayed, and the relationships got much better. The people who were just taking and draining from her, they're gone.

And now she lives with little to no conflict. Just had coffee with her the other day. She's so peaceful and so happy with her life in a way that I don't think the previous her could have even seen or imagined available. Again, remember, those boundaries were very difficult for her at first. She didn't know how to do that. She had conditioned herself to give, give, give, give, give until she had nothing left. She would have given the shirt off her back and been without one. And then given a shirt that she didn't even have. She was one of those, but it was exhausting her to a level of where her energetic soul, body, whatever you want to call it, had no peace. So we just went back and said, Okay, you don't have to say no because she almost couldn't and just said, We're going to learn that I don't have the capacity for this just right at this moment. Could you ask me tomorrow? Could you ask me next week?

And that started protecting the time and the mental boundaries. And yes, it it it took a minute for that to all work. I think we've been working together for about six months now. And I mean she again has just made huge strides and feels in control of her life, but boundaries. That is what they will give you. They are going to be hard at first. I'm not going to lie and pretend that you don't have to do a little work. And that it's gonna feel really uncomfortable. Your brain is going to fight you. It has been conditioned to give, and now you're gonna tell it not, it's gonna go hold on, danger. Don't do that. Danger, danger, danger. But you're you're gonna get past that and your brain will learn a new thing. It will learn that protecting your boundaries is important.

I'm gonna tell you about another client I worked with. His family criticized every choice in a relationship. There was nobody that she could pick that was worth it. Every family visit where she would bring her significant other ended in tears. She would fight with her significant other constantly because he was being rejected by her family. He was never going to live up to their expectations. Still doesn't, by the way. And that's on them, not on her and him. But she learned some boundaries. And yes, it was very hard for her at first. But we just started with, I'm not discussing my relationship choices in this environment. Yes, her family fought back at first, but after about three months. Th it's not that they like him now and they've suddenly accepted him and their best friends. Let's not try to do the impossible.

If that works, great, but what can you control? So just setting the boundary. I will not discuss my relationship choices in this environment. Now, yes, people pushed back. Of course they did. But you know what? She and her significant other can go to family functions now, and they're not all best friends, but she's not leaving in tears and fighting with him when they get home. These are the kind of things boundaries do. Now I'll tell you a story about me. So I work in a very corporate job, W 2 job, and yes I have to sacrifice my time at work doing things for other people. I have the calendar capacity to control my calendar. I have gotten comfortable with saying. I respond in 24 to 48 hours. I'm usually booked seven to ten days out. These are my boundaries.

I'll tell you what, it was really uncomfortable for me in the beginning, and yes, my boundaries sounded a little bit different. I get very little pushback about it. I live a a work life that doesn't stress me out and push me to the limits, right? And it's just setting the boundaries. It's it's controlling my time. It's controlling my peace. Those are boundaries you can do. Boundaries are usually just very simple statements and you just have to hold up to them. They basically say, I'm going to do this, and they don't ask you to give somebody an ultimatum. It's not do this or else. It's just making a statement and then saying it. If you make that statement and you hold to it, kind of like no and stop, I will not stop. That's it. That's a boundary. It's something you're going to state, but it doesn't require the other person to do anything. You're just saying, I will not do this.

Now, you can then make your choices like for example that client. If they continue to berate and do those things, are you gonna leave? Will you not attend the next family function? Okay, those are all choices that come next. But a boundary is just saying something. Just like the client, I will I I don't have capacity for this right now. Can you ask me tomorrow? As a business owner, as a worker, I have lots of people who have demands on my time. Just like anybody else. I am notorious for, okay, I cannot address this until next week. I'm sorry, I need three weeks before we bring this back to the table. That is protecting my time. Honestly, it it was uncomfortable at first. But now I'm very comfortable of saying this is my life. I realize there's things that I need to do and I'm not ignoring them, but I don't have the space in my energy to deal with this task, or this is small and mundane and can wait.

Some things need to be dealt with immediately, right? That's part of being an adult. But I think that's what a boundary is. It's just saying something. I will not discuss this right now. Full stop. Period. Don't explain it. Don't do whatever. Don't turn it into an ul ultimatum. I will not talk about this. And if you do this, I'm gonna do this. That may become a boundary that needs to get further, but that is not what a boundary is. A boundary is this is where I stop. You cannot come past this point. It's setting a doorway that you can open the door when you need to or keep the door closed. You don't have to be rude and fight and cause a conflict, but you do need to protect your boundaries. Protecting your boundaries is protecting your human and protecting your peace. And if you want to stress less and live more, you're gonna need proper boundaries. That is a key factor.

Your brain activates in fear when you set a boundary. Your brain has been conditioned to do one thing and you're doing something different. Your brain literally says, they'll abandon me, they'll be mad, I'll be rejected. Oh, the brain has a rejection sensitivity. But that is what turns on the fear. It literally comes from your amygdala. It confuses discomfort with danger. Growth feels unsafe first. It's growing pains. As you set these boundaries, just now your brain is going to go straight into the fear center. It's going to go danger. What if, what if, what if? Learn to tell your brain, so what? What if they reject me? So what? What if they get mad? So what? What if they don't talk to me again? So what? What if they abandon me? So what? That's going to be an important thing to help your brain condition differently. Many of us have lived conditioned one way for so long. This is going to be totally new.

There's a spirituality piece to it too. Boundary resistance is an ego wound. The ego says you're not needed if you are worthless. So your fear center, that rejection sensitivity, turns on. Because there's a spiritual side of you that has an ego. We've all heard it, I think, in life, that like the ego this, the ego that. But your ego literally is lying to you. It's telling you that you are not needed if you are worthless. You're not needed. Danger. You're gonna be left over here and nobody's gonna want you. That lonely feeling, that rejection sense, that's a real thing in your brain. And it activates that fear center amygdala big time. It it's a piece of it. So that's part of why it feels so hard. Again, the easiest way is sew what? Because yes, it doesn't mean that you want to be rejected, abandoned, or have someone mad at you. I don't think any of us want that. But so what if they do?

And you'll find that nine times out of ten, they don't even have a they don't really have a pushback. Your worth is not what you give. It's who you are. You're worthy because you exist and you're allowed to set boundaries. Boundaries feel very uncomfortable, especially when you start. Then you get really good at them. But your nervous system reset. That's a big one for boundaries. Just breathe. I am safe in my body. It trains your brain to self-regulate. That breath, that's gonna reset your nervous system. Before saying yes to something, just take a breath. Pause. Ask yourself, is this expanding my energetic body or is it shrinking? Is it taking away from me or is it putting something back? Is there a good energy exchange or is this bad for me? Honestly, your intuition will tell you a lot more than you think it will.

Before signing the contract, sleep on it. Just sleep on it. My grandma was notorious for that. All right, let me sleep on it and I'll get back to you. It's amazing the space that an overnight rest before jumping into something will naturally create a boundary without you even having to do anything. But choosing to let yourself rest. Letting that space decide, is this expanding or is this constricting? It's amazing what a good night's sleep will do for that. Some affirmations. I like this one. I'm allowed to say no. Just tell yourself, I'm allowed to say no. You are absolutely allowed to say no. I think that we fear so much saying no. That we just don't do it. We're so afraid of the other person getting mad, us being abandoned, whatever. So what? I'm allowed to say no. My needs matter. I do not abandon myself.

Try just pausing and saying those to yourself and see how you feel. I'm allowed to say no. My needs matter. I do not abandon myself. Boundaries are gonna get really a lot easier when you can affirm that to yourself. Your nervous system and your brain will start to recondition. Boundaries are not selfish. They're how you protect your nervous system. They're how you honor yourself. It's how you teach other people how to treat you. It's how you teach you how to treat you. It's how you create a sustainable life. You are allowed to set boundaries. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to not do what somebody else wants you to do if you don't want to do it. Every time you choose yourself, you heal generations. Generations that have been conditioned to give. And people please to not set boundaries, to overdo. Every time you choose yourself, you're healing those.

In the Native American tradition they talk about seven generations before and seven generations after. So when you heal yourself, you're healing seven generations before and seven generations after.

You are not here to be consumed. Let me tell you, as somebody who's seen the other side, you are not here to be consumed. You are not here to produce. You are here to enjoy the game of life. You cannot enjoy the game of life without a rulebook. I think we all search around for the rules and what it is. How about just try honoring yourself, setting some proper boundaries so you don't go out of bounds? Let this be the season of your life where you stop explaining yourself. Where you stop apologizing and you just start honoring yourself. I can't tell you the joy I have in my life that I never had before. And boundaries was the biggest part of that.

Boundaries was how I found time for myself, honoring myself.

I I can't tell you I still find joy when somebody's like, oh, you have that much time to read books? Yes, I do. Because I made it. I did not have that kind of time two years ago. There's no way before my stroke that I would have even found five minutes a day for myself, let alone hour blocks throughout my day. But you know what? I'm happy, I'm healthy, and I enjoy my life in a way that I never did before. When I say stress less and live more, boundaries are one of the key factors to that.

Thanks for joining today. Remember, karma's real, energy is contagious. Check your vibes.